McClatchy blog: Planet Washington

McClatchy blog: Planet Washington.

Wow… so… How long before we stop pretending that racism is accidental? Or simply due to alcohol? Alcohol doesn’t make you racist, it just makes you forget that other people will hate you if you say those things. And when a GOP candidate calls the president “Buckwheat” and then pretends he wasn’t aware that would be taken as racist is either a direct lie, blithering insensitivity or ignorance on an almost olympian level. I’m gonna go out on a rather thick limb and say I think he’s lying..AND he’s dumb enough to think the country is as racist outside his skull as it is on the inside.

My Kind of town Chicago it’s…

I’ll be at the “Chicago” Improv (it’s actually in Schaumburg – I know, I know) October 1-3! Thursday – Saturday. I had to drop the Sunday show because of 2 Charity events I’ve been asked to host.

New Funny Or Die Video is up!

Sparks of Love – watch more funny videos

Dave Allen At Large

I started watching Dave Allen when I was 14. My father and I would sit and watch his show “Dave Allen At Large” on the Chicago PBS station. They would play 2 Episodes back to back After Monty Python. The Show had a few sketches but mainly it was Dave sitting there telling jokes. He had an amazing turn of phrase and was a genius storyteller. I recently did a search online to see if I could buy his show on DVD and I’m happy to say it’s available!

For those unfamiliar with his work…

He used to end every show with “Goodnight… and may your God go with you.” A sweet sentiment to end a comedy show. and You could tell that no matter how hard he skewered any particular person or group or idea, he had love in his heart. He influenced me a great deal and I hope this element of his personality manages to squeak through in how I work.

Michigan’s Congressperson can’t count

The Republicans just did their, now traditional, no vote flim-flam sand dance. Yeah!

The current Republican position seems to be… “We are united against this bill because not only will it Not create one single job, but it has money in it for School buildings and computer stuff and that’s EVIL!” so not one of us is going to vote for it. It’s bananas. They’re stupid. They’re being obstructionists just for the free press it gives  them.. we all know this. Anyway…

It’s almost dull at this point watching them twist on the hook… but there was one curiously delicious moment when the representative from Michigan explained why she just HAD to vote no after a lot of internal struggle.. (The struggle went something like this “If I vote against party right now the RNC will pour acid on my campaign during the next election *pushes no button* Phew!”).. she said it was that darn Light Rail Train from Los Angeles to Las Vegas that did it!! to which I immediately went..

“There gonna build a light rail from LA to Las Vegas? Wow! Kick Ass! I had no idea!”

You see, I just came back from Taiwan where this country of 25 million people has a bullet train that runs the length of their WHOLE ISLAND! In a little over an hour you can go from Taipei to TaiZhong, spend the day and be back by 10:30. It’s Awesome! To be able to take a train to Las Vegas would not only create jobs and rebuild housing developments between both places… it would also mean that you could link two of the biggest tourist industries in the States…and everywhere in between them. 

But that’s logic and we don’t need to deal with that right now because that’s not what I found astounding in what she said. 

After saying that she couldn’t read fast because she’s from Michigan (Wow) She said that Michigan is a state of 10 Million hard-working people! and I, like you, had a couple of reactions… 1) Michigan only has 10 Million people in it? Los Angeles has 7! What the F are they doing with all that land?

I know people from Michigan and they’re very cool but many left because there are no JOBS. Because the Auto-industry, in an attempt to maximize profits in the short-term screwed themselves out of Market share by spending more money lobbying congress to keep emission and fuel standards down than they did on R&D… because they are stupid and think that they are the Heroes of Ayn Rand’s Novels and not the middle management sponge artists she warns about, I digress,..the point is that jobs are scarce in the Oven-mit state… so not a lot of people are working… much less hard working… and that’s not a slam.. the hard work done by the majority of people in Michigan is spent holding onto or finding a job… although their state reps don’t seem to fear much for their own security. 

And then one is brought to realize that we have a representative from and auto-maker state trying to kill a new train line. What A Surprise!! Do I have to remind you all what happened in “Who framed Roger Rabbit?” I mean SERIOUSLY! 

Transparent much?

Demented and Sad… but social

Welcome to Kentucky

I was recently pondering who was the first person to ride a horse?

Many of the things we take for granted as normal activities were once unheard of.
Literally… think of it.. Escargot, plastic, the radio, shoes… at one time all these things got some one locked up for suggesting that they should or even could be a useful part of our lives.

So Who was the first person to ride a horse. I doubt he/she was the first person who Tried to ride a horse… that would be the person who first died trying to get on the back of a horse…as far as everyone else was concerned… and since he died they couldn’t ask him what he was doing… And it’s doubtful he left a note… “To whom it may concern, I really have to get this package to the next village and it can’t wait..so I will attempt to steal some speed from the big hoofed thing that eats our grass. If I am unsuccessful please tell Madeline that I love her and to Nathan, good luck with the whole “Shoe” thing. I’m sure it’ll be big hit.”

There is a chance that it was a group activity. That Peer Pressure drove the first horseback ride.
“you jump on it!”
“No, YOU Jump on it!”
 ”I’LL jump on it! Sheesh!”
THud!
“Your turn.”
“Why is it My Turn?”

I suppose whomever it was could have worked their way up. Perhaps As an infant they hopped on the family Dog and rode it ’round the room and then, after the bite marks healed, tried again. Eventually they moved on to Goats, then Calves, then horses… then Back to goats for a while.

I guess what I’m getting at is that it is a Very strange notion to use another being as transport. Perhaps this comes as result of not really getting what was the big deal about Piggyback riding when I was a kid. Maybe my family was too skinny for it but the notion of someone’s spin grinding my newly minted testicles into a fine paste lacked a certain appeal. 
“Thanks Gramps, I’ll walk.”

Well, there it is. Piggyback riding.  We often play as children what we will do as adults and Perhaps We started by riding pigs! Pigs are quick in bursts, smart and dangerous, and have legs much much smaller than ours and this is just the kind of stupid nearsighted decision that early man often enjoyed.

Coming from a state that is so focused on riding animals for cash and prizes it amazes me that it is supposedly such a “conservative” state. Since this activity wouldn’t exist but for some abnormal weirdo taking a chance on the future of the Equestrian economy.

But then that’s Kentucky. We don’t even think about the horse any more.

 These days it’s all about the Saddle.

(Who was the first person to saddle a horse and was he on the ground holding his crotch when he thought up the idea.. or did he just hate piggybacking like me?)